Basically this is a thread where you post funny stories or comments from role-playing.I can imagine some of you people having some hilarious hijinks in your games.Here's one from my first D&D game:

 Me and two of my friends were playing mercenary adventurers on the Sword Coast.We have to go through a magical portal to get to our next job.

 

DM:Okay,your employer leads you to  the magical portal and tells you all you have to do is go through.

Me (A moon-elf rogue):I go through.

Ea (An arcane archer):So do I.

Zune (A drow sorceress): I stare at Berzgor (our employer) very suspiciously.

DM:*very evil grin* Roll,Zune.

Zune:*rolls and gets a low number* Oh,crap.

DM:Berzgor loses his patience and proceeds to pick you up and throw you through the portal.Meanwhile, Sora (me) and Ea emerge in a clearing in a dark forest.What do you guys do?

Me:I look around for anything suspicious.

Ea:I wait for Zune to come through the portal.

DM:*evil grin again* Roll,Ea.

Ea:*gets a low roll* Uh-oh.

DM:Zune comes flying through the portal and lands on top of Ea.They fall to the ground with a thud and there is a moment of stunned silence as they try to recover.Sora meanwhile has seen all of this happen.What do you do,Sora?

Me:I proceed to laugh my @ss off.

 

Well,let's hear some more funny stories!

 

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Ever so slowly I slip into the depths of madness...

Well in one game very early on in the campaign our characters had helped a herd of centaurs defeat a group of Orcs. After the battle we had a big party, lots of drink, food and music. Our characters all have a little bit too much to drink.

So next morning my character a female, Elven paladin called Jenril wakes up to find herself lying naked and cuddling up to another of our group's characters, Damaera who is also naked and is also a girl. So quite a shock for both of our characters. Of course it could have been worse our Rogue called Morty ended up waking completely naked and cuddled by a centauress.

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Scratchit: But he's a cripple!
Blackadder: He's not a cripple, Mrs Scratchit. Occasionally saying "Phew! My leg hurts!" when he remembers to wouldn't fool Baldrick!

Heh heh. Yes, I have a few.

I was playing a female dwarven cleric of Barronor Truesilver. She was a great bearded woman. In the party we also had a fairy. If you know anything about fairies, you know they are pranksters. During some combat with 2 ogres and some goblins, the fairy flew under my bread into my cleavage. That would have been funny enough if it weren't for the fact that he was casting spells out of my beard. I became a feared mystical dwarf to the goblinoid communtiy, know as Magic Missles.

Needless to say, I don't play her much anymore. ;)

Nidae

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When in doubt, assume you rolled a natural 1 because there are gods rolling higher than you... plus they have all sorts of bonus to that.

The best knife is the unseen one.

I think I just had an evilgasm. - Lord Xykon (OotS)

I play online on MSN Messenger. It is a campaign that's mythos is based on Ironclaw. So, we were doing our normal "Oh noes, we've found a horrible shrine to a demon-god! Must destroy!"

Now, as you may know, in MSN, if you're in a group chat, you can open up seperate private windows to talk to others that are also in the main window. Like, if the DM needs to tell you something privately, or whatnot. So, Ryltar, our grim, angsty, slightly evil ranger/fighter is told to roll for an attack against a statue. Another character, Sunflash the Badger Barbarian/Ranger is talking to Ryltar's player in another window. So, the DM asks for the roll, and...

"Do me, you badger sex god!"

...
"Oops. Wrong window."

By the by, all our characters are currently ranger multiclasses.

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Read The Modern Edda! http://eddas.comicgenesis.com/

how do u play D&D in msn??

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EPSC: She's crazy, lazy and oh-so-lovable!


"The deific powers I emit will surely burn your retinas!!!"

EPSC's World of Art!
GHE Art Department

With a lot of trust that everyone is rolling the dice and being truthful about the result. I play on Y!M. It's good fun and an easy way to play with people across the world (my fellow players come from California, Florida, Holland and Washington). However it is often rather slow paced compared to a game played with your mates around a table.

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Scratchit: But he's a cripple!
Blackadder: He's not a cripple, Mrs Scratchit. Occasionally saying "Phew! My leg hurts!" when he remembers to wouldn't fool Baldrick!

Some chats have automated rolling programs. I don't know if any of those instant messengers have them but they might. Try typing something like /roll highest possible number goes here or /random highest possible number goes here.

There is a program called OpenRPG. It has a built in dice roller and chat room for specifically finding players or DMs. It's pretty cool. Try googling it. I can't remember the site it came from. Sorry.

Nidae

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When in doubt, assume you rolled a natural 1 because there are gods rolling higher than you... plus they have all sorts of bonus to that.

The best knife is the unseen one.

I think I just had an evilgasm. - Lord Xykon (OotS)

i remember playing with my group and a very odd situation happened

we defeated a hydra, and my friend wanted to take the hydra "wang", as he called it, to use as a weapon, when he found out there would be no magical powers, he then proceeded to use the "wang" as a sheath, and when we got back to a city of elves, we had forgotten to rest up because we werent going far, we had to be disarmed by the guards, so a guard grabbed my friends sword with the "wang" on it, and took the sword out and slaped my friend with the "wang" dealing 2 damage and knocking him out

very odd and very funny when it happened

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So I saw this bird today... he said "Bow down to the almighty"

Actually, it's not an 'incident', it just happens to all of my characters...

It doesn't matter the race, the Charisma stat, or anything else... but an elf always falls in love with them... It's kind of become a running gag with my RP group that my characters are too hot for thier own good.

Even Nip, my Kobold Psion was loved by elves. Kinda freaks me out... but I don't mind.

I'll start with my excuse and plead mitigating circumstances

The party had just left a tiny village for the ninth time. The eight previous times we left we had ended up returning covered in gore, frequently our own. My fighter/cleric, who worshipped the LE god of war, was a trifle tense. We fought our way through something, I think it was wyverns this time, to get to a gnomish town where we could rest and restock. Then the rogue decided to celebrate our survival by playing a prank on my fighter/cleric, best known for her ability to smite and not her sense of humour. Things might have been alright, had the rogue not decided to sneak up on my character. She didn't seen or hear him before something tapped her on the shoulder.

We were still hurting from the fight and the wyvern poison. My fighter/cleric had lost three times her total hit points. There was still blood on her large great sword. Then something behind me hit my shoulder.

My fighter/cleric whirled around and smote the rogue. I didn't do enough damage to kill him outright but he was well into negatives. The other players were splitting their sides laughing at the comeuppance for the damn annoying rogue. The only problem was the final smack down had happened in the middle of a bustling gnomish market place. My character was arrested by Gnomes for assault with a deadly weapon. Gnomes.

Whenever the party is back in that town they visit my character in jail. Gnomes.

My only consolation was the rogue was later gruesomely eaten by a hydra.

Gnomes.

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Nihil est ab omni partum beatum.
(Nothing is an unmixed blessing)

What, you've got a problem with gnomes?

Wow, arrested by Gnomes...that's a pretty bad way to go for an evil fighter.

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Scratchit: But he's a cripple!
Blackadder: He's not a cripple, Mrs Scratchit. Occasionally saying "Phew! My leg hurts!" when he remembers to wouldn't fool Baldrick!

We have ways of making you talk...

To make matters worse, I had just taken a level in the Pious Templar prestige class, so my fighter/cleric was the local embodiment of the War God's wrath. I wielded a great sword bigger than I was. I had the Die Hard feat and had single handed saved my party (twice) by being the last one standing then dragging their wounded carcasses back to the village. I once made a goodly cleric back down in a pub by smiling at him (intimidate is a wonderful thing).

Then I got arrested by gnomes. I've never been so embarrassed in my life.

The most mortifying thing about being imprisoned by gnomes is they are terribly sympathetic. They think my character (an elf) must be suffering from trauma to turn me to the path of violence. The standard treatment for sociopathic prisoners is counselling, art therapy and calming walks in the woods. I am not even allowed to wield a butter knife. I won't be released until I am rehabilitated, which means until I can Bluff by gnomish guards I am stuck there 'cause I ain't repenting by evil ways.

I am currently digging my way out of my light, airy cell with a brass spoon.

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Nihil est ab omni partum beatum.
(Nothing is an unmixed blessing)